My two sweet, loving, and sometimes unruly daughters... how I love you so much. I love you so much that it often times hurts. I love you so much that I am constantly thinking of you ALL day long. I yearn to do the best I can to raise you to become independent, honest, loving people. I yearn so much that I often times fall short and have adult melt-downs. As Cold Play is playing on the internet radio and telling me " no one ever said it would be this hard, lets take it back to the stars," you are both nustled in bed dreaming of puppies (Liv) and super heroes (Harper). I have had a few recent episodes of adult tantrums lately that have left me feeling hopeless & overwhelmed. Those moments last for a short time in the scheme of things and I'm picked up off the floor by your dad, your aunties, or your grandparents reminding me that I have 6,570 more mornings to go until you are out of the house and thats if you leave by 18. In that moment when I was reminded of how many times, I didn't think I could do it anymore. For a hot second I was throwing in the towel and chalking it up to being the worst parent in the world. Dramatic? Yes! My true feelings of certain moments? Yes! Once I am picked up off the floor and brought back to reality, I know that most of the turmoil in my mind comes with how I am able to cope with your developmental stages. Both of you are in a very fun and exciting yet difficult stage both developmentally and environmentally. Also, we have had a lot of change this past month with you guys going to school full time and both of us working full time. The mornings are often times tough with getting ready and out the door and the nights are fast and difficult getting everything done to get you two to bed early so that you get enough sleep for your little brains to grow. I am somewhat of a sleep freak for kids and I KNOW that you require more sleep than either of you are getting and it shows! We trek through and do the best we can. As your grandma Cindy says, I have thousands of more mornings to be better as a mother and to keep working at teaching you the ways of the world. I am honored to do so and definitely take that job seriously. (almost too seriously sometimes) I think I need to scale it back a notch and really focus on enjoying every bit of the madness. It will past oh too quickly and I will be sad when you don't want my constant attention whether its positive or negative. I am choosing my attitude and I choose to laugh more and work on getting my fun side back. I used to be fun and it has been missing for quite awhile now. Heres to everyday is a new day! Thank you my sweet darlings for loving me through and through and teaching me to be a better person everyday. You both deserve the absolute best this like has to offer and I will try my damnedest to give you my best side .
